Retreat: Encountering the Wall

Last spring I hosted my first Art & Soul Care retreat as a part of my thesis project at Denver Seminary.  I am honored and blessed to say that I am hosting another- this time in Greeley!  The two day retreat (two consecutive Saturdays) is centered around those who are facing a Wall in their spiritual life.

The retreat uses elements of spiritual formation and creative expression to work through this often difficult stage in the spiritual journey.  The Wall is often lonely, dark, and full of questions about ourselves, our faith, and our God.  The Wall often comes out of a time of transition or extreme busyness.

Because the Wall is an isolating experience, it is incredibly helpful to sit with a group of those who are either in a Wall or coming out of one. 

This retreat is for both artists and the creatively challenged!  

The retreat is being held on Saturdays November 3 & 10.  I have created a retreat flyer with more information for those who are interested.  Or, I can be emailed for more information as well. 

Sign up is limited, so please contact me soon!

Polishing Brass

My brass lamp: a work in progress

Heath and I are preparing to have some guests for the weekend- three of the smallest, cutest guests I know and their parents who I couldn't live without.  It has been our goal to have our home ready this weekend for everyone to see.  It has been a work in progress to be sure.

Heath had to go into work for a few hours this morning so I planned to get a few more things done. And yes, I'm procrastinating on vacuuming.

That's when I starting polishing.  I thought it would be a quick project.  I have polished silver before and thought this would be easy.  Does anyone else enjoy the same satisfaction of seeing the shiny surface return from underneath the dark tarnish? It's a chore I don't mind doing.

Until I decided to tackle a very old brass lamp that was a hand-me-down from my great aunt.  It's a beautiful lamp that was in great need of some attention.  It turns out the tarnish was much thicker than I thought.

Like our lives, we think we've made some progress and have become more pure, more sanctified.  While this is true indeed, there is always more tarnish to get rid of.  A wise friend recently reflected this week that the closer you get to Jesus, the more aware you become of your sin (tarnish).

It's not that he is trying to point out all our faults in order to bring shame.  Rather, he is working to sanctify us to be more like him.  To love like him. To see like him.  To hear like him.

As our tarnish is exposed we have two choices.  We can turn back and live with the ugly tarnish encasing our hearts.  Or we can turn to him.

He's a master with that polishing cloth and loves to see things made new.

Pulling Weeds

Sometimes the weeds are beautiful in their own right,
but need to be pulled none the less
(photo taken last summer in Westminster, CO)

At the beginning of the month we moved.  While we were moving I was experiencing what Heath called “mover’s remorse.”  It’s that feeling of being overloaded with boxes, the exhaustion of packing and lifting, and continually wondering if you made the right choice.  Thankfully, mover’s remorse is temporary.

Once we were officially done with the old and moved into the new, we knew we had made the right choice.  The home we are renting is beautiful. It has more room, more light, and generally feels like an upgrade in every way.  One of the many perks is the little yard we have in the front and in the back.  This perk also means more work, but is a price we are more than willing to pay.

This morning I went outside to pull some of the weeds I had been avoiding.  I started to think about the age old analogy of how we can also have weeds in our personal lives.  For me, one of my biggest weeds is procrastination.  The irony is thick in this case because the more I procrastinated on pulling the weeds in our front lawn, the more weeds I had to deal with today.

I realized that many of the weeds in both my life and in our yard seem to pop up in some of the healthiest areas of growth.  It’s like the weeds instinctively know that they will be well fed and nourished if they weasel their way in with the green grass. In some cases we are less likely to pull those weeds because the grass is still growing green and strong.  That is, until the weeds begin to multiply and take over. 

Much like procrastination, the more you ignore the weeds at first, the more you have to pull later.  The weeds have to be dealt with one way or another.  What are some of the weeds in your life?  I pray that you find the strength to face them.  When they are tough to pull or the roots run to deep, seek the Master Gardener.  He’s always willing to help.

And with that, I’m off to pull some more weeds.  And maybe unpack a few more boxes.  

Lessons from the Jury Box

Weld County Courthouse where I served in a jury  trial.
The victim from my case walked right down this street
the night she was attacked.

It’s not often that I choose to watch shows like Dateline.  Usually, the true stories that are portrayed have enough trauma and/or horror that I avoid them.  Emotionally, I feel that I need to save my interest and compassion toward such stories for meeting with my clients.  Tonight was an exception.  Heath and I decided to have a night in.  We had defrosted a homemade lasagna and settled in to watch some “light” television. 

Even with tons of channels we still couldn’t find anything to watch and eventually landed on the Dateline story about a local case.  Having remembered the story from Denver news last year, we continued to watch.  The story was difficult and touching.  The murder and sexual assault case showed that eventually justice had been served but not without cost.  As the father of one victim stated of the second victim and her family, “We are related in tragedy.”

I felt connected in a rather unusual way.  Earlier this summer I served on a week-long jury trial for a sexual assault case.  It was difficult.  It was educational.  It was emotional.  But most of all, it was just. 

I learned a lot from serving on jury duty.  First, I was reminded that we live in a country in which the alleged is truly innocent until proven guilty.  We were required to listen to all the evidence before making a decision.   

I realized how contrary this is to our current American culture.  Most of us make a decision and then search for facts to prove our position on any given topic.  Staying neutral to hear both sides was actually a very freeing experience.  I hope to take that skill into other prayerful decisions in my life.

I also learned that I am incredibly proud of our legal system.  It is by no means perfect, but it is absolutely full of individuals who care deeply for justice.  I left this trial experience feeling proud and thankful for the police officers, paramedics, detectives, forensic scientists, doctors, nurses, attorneys, judges and countless others who work with victims on a daily basis.  They do their jobs to help others and we have much to thank them for. 

From this experience I was also reminded that I am continually thankful for my job as a counselor.  I sat front and center in the jury box, directly across from the witness stand.  There were so many times I wanted to give encouraging nods to the visibly anxious nurse, the thoughtful police officer, and especially the tearful victim.  I wanted to offer words of affirmation for their truth and their bravery.  I wanted them to know their story mattered and that their courage counted, for those are the things I get to do in the counseling room. 

I learned that as a counselor I am blessed.  I am blessed to hear the tears and the trauma.  I am blessed to offer a listening ear and an encouraging word.  I am blessed to be trusted with the deep places of the human heart.  I am blessed with the ability to offer hope.

I am blessed because I know that there is Someone much bigger than me who cares more deeply for each victim.  He cares infinitely more for every tear and every tragedy.  He cares so much that He is the one who will ultimately bring justice. 

I walked away from a week in the jury box feeling deeply encouraged and deeply indebted.  My heart had been burdened, yet I know that the Lord has set it free.  

Milestones

A milestone is a marker along a path that reminds you of how far you have come, and in some cases how far you have yet to go.  My sister Nina and I saw a lot of milestones this week as we drove to Kansas and back to visit the newest milestone in our family.  More on that in a minute.

I feel like we’ve just gone through a whirlwind of milestones.  Life is full of them really.  

We hit milestones at every turn.
The end of a school year.  The beginning of a new season.
A wedding.

This season has been especially full of milestones, which is perhaps why it’s been since Easter that I’ve written.  So, here’s my celebration of a few milestones from the past few months, a photo album of sorts…

Walking through the local Hallmark store I realized that they make their living on milestones.  This blog post has been on my mind for months, so I found their sign rather convenient. J

My thesis felt like an incredible milestone.  It had been in the works for the last few years.  It’s been a great feeling to have it done. My prayer is now about how to use it in the years to come. 
Some “art and soul care” projects are definitely in the works.

My baby sister graduated!  We celebrated our graduations one week apart: hers from Rock Canyon High School and mine from Denver Seminary.  I’m so proud of her!

My grandpa just celebrated his 85^th birthday.
I think we all enjoyed the chorus of sweet voices that helped him celebrate.

And perhaps the sweetest milestone of all is the birth of Benaiah Thomas Tesone. 
The sweet baby boy of my brother Travis and wife Ashley. We are all in love!

I am thankful for the milestones we look back on.
I am thankful for the milestones yet to come.
I love that we continue to celebrate the life we have been given.  

"My God, My God..."

A copy of the Pieta by Michelangelo

For our Good Friday Service at church tonight, there were seven of us asked to speak on the seven last words spoken by Jesus.  Here was my contribution:

Matthew 27:46 reads, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  We know that these were some of Jesus’ last words as he hung on the cross.

I was reminded that these are the same words David spoke in Psalm 22. He writes, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish?”

There are many times in life in which we feel forsaken by God.  Forsaken is likened to feeling deserted, abandoned, desolate, isolated…  We feel that we have been left to fend for ourselves. We feel very much alone. 

Have you ever felt forsaken?  Maybe you have been without a job for a very long time, or you found out your spouse has had an affair.  Maybe you have been waiting for years to even have a spouse.  Maybe you feel stuck in a pit of depression, or feel without hope in the midst of what feels like a mundane life. 

Sometimes we feel forsaken because of our sin.  More often, we feel forsaken because of our shame. 

Our sin separates us from God because we have stepped outside of the boundaries He has set for us.  As Christians, we know that forgiveness from Him restores us and sets us free.  The problem is, we often don’t believe we have been forgiven.  We may know it in our heads, but we don’t believe it in our hearts. 

You see, our shame gets in the way.  While our sin is based on the things we have done, shame is based on lies about who we are.  Shame messages permeate our thoughts, our beliefs, our actions, and our lives. 

When Jesus hung on the cross, he was separated from God because he carried our sin.  The sin in which he died for.  And it was this death that set us free.

Hebrews 12:2 says, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

It’s important to know that Jesus died for our sins; our actions against him.  He did not die for the lies of shame we continue to believe. 

To read that verse again, it says, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him (Easter), he endured the cross (taking on all our sins), scorning its shame (he did not take on the lies we believe), and (then he) sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (emphasis added)

Are you feeling forsaken?  Ask the Lord to meet you there.  Are you believing shameful lies of the enemy?  Ask the Lord to show you how to be set free.  Our first step is to cry out, “My God, My God...”  And because of the cross, He will meet us there.

Dreams

I've been dreaming a lot lately.  Very impractical dreams.

This morning I woke up and told Heath I had a dream in which we had just bought a new camera.  This might not be every girl's dream, but it sure is mine!  Last month I attended a photography conference in Vegas and had my hands on a beautiful new DSLR with an amazing lens to match.  I can't remember the rest of this morning's dream, but it also had something to do with my brother skydiving. (Trav, are you planning to jump out of airplanes instead of biking through Kansas?)

Yesterday I had a dream about church. Is it sacrilegious to have dreams about the communion bread being small french fries?  Note:  if this ever happens to you, make sure you wait to partake of the bread until the cup has been passed, otherwise you have nothing to dip into the ketchup. (And no, that's not what we had dinner the night before!)

The better (more redeeming?) part of yesterday's dream was when Heath leaned over in the church pew and told me to write a substantial amount on our offering check. We both smiled in thanksgiving that we could give back from what we had been given.  Oh, to dream big!

And yet, some dreams do come true.

Seven years ago I had a very distinct dream about marrying a tall man with brown hair, strong hands and smiling blue eyes.  In the dream we enjoyed life together with fun and laughter. At that time, I knew I hadn't met the man of my dreams, but now I know he was definitely worth the wait.  A week from today we will already celebrate our first year of marriage!

There are other dreams I have held close to my heart that are in the midst of coming true.  For years I have dreamed of owning a studio in which I could offer art therapy, counseling, spiritual direction, art workshops, and a family portrait session or two.  While the studio space isn't a reality yet, I am in the process of starting a private practice for counseling and spiritual direction.  I recently held my first spiritual formation art retreat. I feel both honored and excited to be doing these things now and can't wait to do more.

I am looking forward to more dreams, and I'll do my best to keep you posted.